So apparently I'm not too good at actually sitting down and doing it....

I finally am sitting down to do a little bit of writing because, you, know, it makes sense when you have to leave for work in twenty minutes but not when you have all evening! That would make too much sense...

The therapist said I should probably do this three days a week so I'm going to try to but we'll see if I can actually keep up with that. I tried to say I'll do it 5 times. I won't because I don't tend to try to dispell stress.....I like to sit in it. Typical alcoholic. Self pity is far more fun.

Pregnant brain sucks. I really really don't like it. I feel like an idiot. I will be in the middle of a sentence and FORGET WHAT I AM SAYING! It's ridiculous. It's no wonder at all women used to be laid up for nine months when they had a baby. Pregnancy makes a woman's brain useless!!! It's all over the place!!! No fun.

I have to be honest. I don't like being pregnant that much at all either. It not only means my brain's gone, but that my body that I worked so hard for is now doing whatever it wishes. I now weigh over 150. I have never. It means that the control freak in me that lives in so many alcoholics is NOT in control, let alone of my emotions. It means that I cannot RIDE which is the BEST stress release I have EVER found. Simply walking into a barn can make the whole world make sense and it DOESN'T without it. Some women love being pregnant. I can't wait to get this thing out of me. I don't think that makes me less of a woman, it's just who I am. I am a woman who uses my body to talk to horses. Not possible at this point. I love feeling my baby move. I can't wait to be a mom. The pregnancy part just isn't my cup of tea. I have a high pain tolerance, but I've been in pain more times than I care to remember while pregnant. I will do this one more time, two more if I don't get a boy next time. Then I'm tying the tubes. I can't do it. Two is already a year and a half of my life being uncomfortable and missing riding like none other.

Michelle Duggar is crazy!!!!! I don't get how she does it.....her hormones must be permanently fucked up...I can't see how she stays so calm!!!!!!!!!!!