Why Do I never write anymore?

While I am fully aware that the world probably doesn't care about the answer to this question, I do. A lot. And this blog is for my benefit, not yours.

When I was younger, say, before high school, I used to write all the time. I started about 47 novels that I never finished. I wrote poetry. I got through high school writing papers at the last minute and getting A's. My father's a journalist. It's in my blood. It used to be a stress release for me. It still is, but somewhere along the way I stopped writing.

I think I really stopped writing once high school started. A cliche as it sounds, I stopped writing when I lost myself. Normally high school is when you find yourself. That did not happen for me.. high school was torture. It was confusing. I did not fit in anywhere. It never fit. I slipped away into a person I would hate if I met on the street today. I did not really start finding myself until last summer, my 20th summer. I really haven't had anything to say since about 8th grade. Today I do have something to say. I have plans and dreams and it finally looks as though they are attainable. Not just because I'm working my way towards finishing a bachelor's degree.

You know how I was saying I didn't fit in anywhere in high school? You know where I fit just fine and dandy? In the bottle. Or in a joint. I tried to quit about 20 times. I thought alcoholics were just whiners and that addicts were just weak people. It took me finally realizing that I could NOT stop drinking and could NOT stop using, despite all my personal strength, to realize this wasn't true and that I was, in fact, an alcoholic and an addict.

A 12 step program and a spiritual way of life, as well as rigorous honesty are what saved me and allowed me to finally connect with who I am again. Today I have about 9 1/2 months sober. I am o grateful for it and I finally feel like writing again! That makes me feel like me again.

Being pregnant, I cannot ride horses, which is my number one stress release. I have to have a new stress release, so I am going to start writing again. I'm going to make a point of it. Horses are my first love, but I think that a happy person is a well rounded person. I want to try to be one again.