I watch 16 and Pregnant a lot. It is one of my guilty pleasures. I think I relate to some of those girls. I was with a stupid guy who I thought I loved and was delusional enough to believe he loved me. I was not planning on getting pregnant. I worry about money and about finishing school. I find it easy to sympathize with them.
Some of those girls really take to motherhood with flying colors. They grow up to become mothers. Others are just not ready. It really makes me think about the fact that some people should not be allowed to have kids, and about what makes someone "qualified" to be a mother. I just don't believe that the ability to reproduce automatically qualifies you as a parent. I don't necessarily think I am completely qualified, so don't think I am preaching.
So, here are some vital characteristics I believe a person should have to become a parent:
-Goal- oriented
-Financially stable
-have basic life skills (having had a while to learn to budget, a stable home in which to live, basic maintenance skills, knowing when to ask for help and when to tough it out)
-have a stable relationship with his or her partner
-spirituality
-a sense of his or her impact on the earth
-ability to stick to a schedule
-selflessness
-eating right
-knowledge of child development- physical, mental, emotional
-the willingness to at least try breastfeeding
-emotional maturity
-willingness to be up all night with a sick child, then get up at 7 for a full day of work because you HAVE to
-realization that the purpose of having a child is to impart wisdom and provide love and basic needs, not as a form of validation to provide YOU with love
-willing to make sacrifices to provide his or her child with the best education possible
-able to set boundaries
I will, of course, add to this list as I think of things. Most young people simply don't have many, if ANY, of these characteristics. There are certainly areas where I am lacking.
That being said, I do believe someone who is willing to become those things and strives to become those things has a shot at being a pretty good parent. That means actively trying to become those things rather than just sitting back and waiting for them to happen. Life will never be ideal, but it is our jobs as parents to make it as close as possible. When someone choose to have a child, he or she chooses to grow up and make necessary changes. If he or she can't grow up, then maybe parenting isn't for him or her!
Sometimes I think that a lot of people parent too much by the results they want and less from instinct. That is hard not to do with the artificial world we are living in. However, I believe there will never ever be parenting shortcuts. A lot of the books say not to start a child on solids until 6 months. Well, That may be fine for most children, but I also read a lot about the symptoms of being ready for solids. At 3 1/2 months, Kiley was exhibiting all of them, so I started her on them. She has done wonderfully on them and I think waiting would have been a mistake. I didn't follow any book or talk to any doctor, I just knew she was ready and started her. If she had shown signs on not being ready once I tried to start, I would have had to stop. I use the books as a guide, but I don't use them as an end all- be all. I think that quality has been VERY important for keeping parenting low- stress.
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