I guess God knows what he is doing...

Just when it seems my life is finally falling into place is just when it decides to start to fall apart.

Tobey is struggling. Big time. I no longer want to bear the grunt of his struggling. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion because I love him so much and I want to give my daughter a real family. I know he has a good heart, but I also know he has an ugly, irresponsible, defiant streak and I don't think he's ready to be a full time dad and a full time support system. I don't know what I was thinking believing that I could rely on him to support me when he has never even supported himself- so I take the blame for that.

So I left and came home to Columbus...which means I had to back out of my internship and I have to REAPPLY when I go back in the fall. UGH!!! However, there's another opportunity for an internship at the Certified Horsemanship Association, most of which can be done from home. That may be my best bet, since I'm going to need to save money and gas in any way possible. It's pretty much doing the same thing, too. So while the workaholic, crazy part of me thinks, HEY! I should do both!, the side of me that is rational and rearing it's ugly head more and more says, "NO don't wear yourself out! Do not screw yourself by taking on too much!" This one could also turn into a job opportunity. It will look phenomenal on my resume, too!

I'm still worried about what to do for money...I still have to find a place to live...since now I won't be living with Tobey. Tobey is trying to get help, now. Maybe this time he really wants it, maybe not. I just know I can't rely on him for financial support. At all. Well, maybe a pack of diapers here and there, but not anything other than that. I want to know where money is coming from and where it is going. I didn't with Tobey. I think it'll be far less stressful this way. I still talk to him all the time. I still have no plans to be with anyone else. But I'm not going to live with him until and unless he really gets his shit together and has been supporting himself and helping me with Kiley for a good long while.