5.14.2010

Not so good at keeping up...


I guess I was supposed to update this twice a week. You see how well that's worked out.


School is out. 4 A's and 2 B's later, maybe I can get the motivation to do this thing? I have no job. I am bored as can be. I see no reason why not.


I did land an internship (at the Kentucky Horse Council with the Equine Education and Welfare Department) 5 days a week to go from May 20 to June 30. Hopefully Baby Kiley holds on until then. *Fingers Crossed* In addition to office work, here is a list of projects I will be working on:


  • Developing educational topics for the eNews, including researching, getting reprint permission, writing articles, etc.

  • Creating fact sheets for events and the website

  • Updating and adding pages to the website, as well as adding articles and events to the online database.

  • Possibly attending meetings for the World Games and other events with the Dir of Education and Welfare and the Exec. Dir.

Of course, there's the fear of not being able to do all that, not only because I'm a recovering alcoholic and my life has always been completely motivated by fear, but also because by the end of the internship, I will be 38 weeks pregnant and I'm already forgetful and tired, not to mention UNCOMFORTABLE and tired! I'm also scared she will not hold on until then.


Oh, the internship is unpaid. And in Lexington. Gas money is a concern, since Tobey just lost his job. Money is not plentiful in my home AT ALL.


I can only hope this internship turns into some sort of job opportunity or a connection for a job opportunity. That would be the ideal situation. I have been buying out the baby department at stores to make sure the baby has all she needs when she comes. I even opened a savings account for her so that if I'm running low on cash, she won't just have to do without. I guess they call that a nesting instinct. I am pretty sure I won't have to go shopping for 6 months once she gets here.


I am worried about finding a daycare that will take her part time, or shit I'll even do full time if the state will pay for it; maybe I can get a job that way to take some of the financial stress off!!


I really don't want to settle for just any old job at this point....I want one with a future for me. That only makes sense since I'll be looking for one after graduation anyway. What's the point in finding a job i'll just be at for a few months when I need a big girl job soon enough anyway? I don't want something that will take me away from my daughter for no good reason.


I am also worried about Kandi. Not her, but paying for her. I can't sell her because of her temperament. Most people can't deal with it. My dad's been awesome, helping me with her a LOT financially the last year. I don't want to have to keep asking him to do that! Luckily, I found a place down here near Frankfort in Shelbyville about 20 miles away for her that's only $295/month for full care and a big old pasture to herself.
Add to that about $25/month for some M30,
about $150 every seven weeks for the farrier (yea, they're expensive here!),
$45/month for supplements,
$300 twice a year for the vet,
possibly another $100 every now and then for the chiropractor..... that ends up adding up to about $420/month. This doesn't include hoof treatment and linament....which isn't too expensive but still adds up! That's not too much if I didn't have this baby to think about, but when thinking about the baby, it seems like a million dollars!


I just hope that job comes sooner rather than later!!! PLEASE LET IT COME!!! Don't get me wrong, I know I have to do the dirty work, but I'll do that no problem....so long as the job openings come.


I'm also considering looking into earning my MBA after I receive my equine business degree....while I'm trying to earn my accounting degree. It would be doable. I just have to find out if they will let me. I'm guessing if I give them money they will let me.


Maybe it's better just to wait another year until I'm not technically my mother's dependent. UGHHHH so much to think about....perhaps I had better just try to work a year and establish my own income level so that I will get lots and lots of assistance!


I maybe should not try to jump the gun so much here! I'm notoriously bad for that....Who knows anyway? I may get lucky and get offered a $50,000/year job with just my bachelor's degree (which I will TOTALLY take by the way. Silly people thinking that's not enough right out of college.... I would like to smack them!!!!!!!!) I really don't like the idea of getting the MBA and the JD all at the same time like how I was thinking of doing. BAD PLAN!!!!!!!! Especially, I'm realizing, if I want to be useful as a mother and as a friend and as a regular human being. I want to be a good mommy, not an overworked mommy who always says I'll play later. That's how it has to be sometimes, but I'd like to make that less rather than more.

I do hope I can learn to relax...


1 comment:

  1. Thanks for posting, Ramona. I learn a lot about what's going on in your mind and heart when you write.

    The internship sounds great, not only for the equine focus, but also because you'll be writing and working on the internet--important experience for any professional in the 21st century!

    Steve

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