Here is 34 weeks along. Today I'm 34 weeks and 4 days. I am getting VERY uncomfortable and wake up a lot during the night because I just can't get to where I'm confortable. I sleep on my side, but I have to switch sides all the time because my hip hurts when I lay on it for too long.
I saw the doctor on Thursday. I was excited that it was my first doctors' visit where I was officially nicotine free. It's actually fairly easy to quit smoking when you are in a nonstressful environment! The doctors office up here seems to have pretty nice people working there.
I did get approved for Ohio Medicaid. They say I need to choose a plan here in the next few days. I'll have to figure that out Monday. The OBGYN I chose does not take Medicaid, but they plan on trying to get some of it covered through medicaid. I like this doctor, I don't want to switch doctors. I just have to see which the pediatrician I chose is on so his services will be covered.
I have another appointment on Thursday. He (Dr. Stockwell) wants to start doing weekly visits now. Fine with me! It's not as though I have a lot of other things to do! And I get nervous sometimes between doctors visits. A week is less time to get nervous in than 2 weeks or 4 weeks, which is the way it's been.
I did make a flyer to hang up at church today offering baby and pet sitting until I have the baby as something to do and a way to make a litte money. I hope I get a few calls. I have meetings, grooming Kandi everyday, and napping. I do try to relax when possible and just enjoy what little relaxing time I have left, but it's hard for me to do. I like having things to do! Plus a little extra money wouldn't hurt!
I looked at an apartment in Frankfort. I am hoping that I will be able to live in that complex, as it's VERY nice, in a nice neighborhood, and a decent price at $450/month including water, sewer, and trash. It's a very very nice apartment too. However, they only take deposits 30 days in advance at the most. I am really hoping to go there. The location of the particular apartment within the complex that is open now is even perfect! It would just be so nice to live where I want! It's in downtown Frankfort, walking distance from everywhere. I really hate the waiting game! Of all kinds! I guess what is supposed to happen will happen. God does know what he's doing!
I still feel anti-social and have been informed that it's natural for someone as pregnant as me to feel that way. So that is what I'm going to blame it on! :)
You know, this writing really does help. It helps me to organize my thoughts enough to think straight, which I often can no longer do. I feel like I may be a year sober, but I'm still a mess. I can hardly form a complete, somewhat meaningful sentence out loud without the possibility of crying. And I'm still fighting the whole turning it over to God thing. I just cannot focus on much of anything, though, except getting ready for this baby and putting a roof over her head and diapers on her butt! Writing at least does not require you to get it right the first time, the way speaking does.
I sort of find myself wishing a lot that I had a normal family. Like, a fiance that, you know, went to work and made a living and did what he had to do to provide for my child. Someone without any children from any former relationships just as fucked up as ours got...someone that fulfilled his responsibilities and did not inform me that he was making sacrifices simply by working. But, I don't. Kiley's dad is not those things. It's a little frustrating....I never wanted to do this myself. I wanted to graduate and get a big girl job and get married and buy a house (or at least be on my way to buying a house) AND THEN have a baby. I feel like it's all happening backwards. Poor child will not have a stable home with a daily routine for a while. I really do not LIKE simplicity when I look at it honestly.
I never could do things the "correct" way in the "proper" order. I started by falling for someone BEFORE I got to know him. Bad idea...love is really really blind. And it does not solve all things. And then I thought that you know, he hadn't done right by his other two kids but he would do right by mine just cuz it was MINE and mine would be SUPER special! I also thought I could depend on someone to support me who couldn't even support himself. That's my fault. I was crazy. See? Love is VERY blind. I will blame it on being young and dumb. I wonder if I will grow out of it or not? I don't know but I know even though I left, I still cannot walk away completely.
And now he's trying another way to get well and get things back on track. I hope it works. I am trying not to make plans based on hoping it works. I've done far too much of that. See? More of the "love is blind" theory. And oh, it is! I love hearing other girls talk about how they're too smart to fall for someone who has nothing of note to offer them. Cuz I was too!! I'm on the dean's list! Come on!! Uhh yeahh, girls are silly when it comes to boys. Retarded almost.
OH and I can get on an IUD form of birth control while I'm breast feeding! So, I talked to the OB about getting on Mirena when I have the baby. He thinks it's a good idea. With Mirena, you can keep it in for up to five years but you can take it out anytime you want to start trying for another. That's better than having to remember a pill everyday or a shot every few months! So, I think that's what I am going to do.
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