2nd wind

Well I got the 2nd interview at Bankers, went, and didn't get a third. I'm okay with that. I have realized from my internship and from that that what I DO NOT want to do is walk into an office and stare at a computer screen everyday.

I do not want to work in an equine related office and watch OTHER people enjoy their horses either. I WANT TO ENJOY MY HORSE.

Watching other people enjoy there's and being involved in those politics just doesn't interest me like I thought. I want a job that fits that. I do not know what I want to do. For someone who always knew what she wanted out of life, discovering that I have no freaking clue is scary.

The fact that I have a daughter to support that I don't want the state's help to support her is even more scary. For a couple weeks I was obsessively job hunting. I spent more time job hunting than on school work. I even put up a profile on a childcare site. I don't even WANT to do childcare. I can only handle other people's children in small doses.

I know I want to go to law school eventually, but not how to fund our lives and our healthcare in the meantime and during. I have decided to take it back a notch and JUST focus on school for now.

I even am considering the military. Not something I EVER thought I would ever consider, but it's not an office job and it's one I could be proud of and that Kiley could be proud of. Plus, I would never have to worry about being laid off. I promised my mom that I would move home and look full time for a job that would be fulfilling after I graduate but if the military still seemed the best option, that's what I would do. She isn't too happy about the military idea.

I have also considered a masters in english between now and law school. I think maybe I don't know what to do without school.

Nonetheless, whatever I do, I want to play with horses. Eventually training them would be my ideal goal, but I have about 10 more years of experiences and qualifying and thousands more dollars in showing to do first. I may not even be good enough. I may be able to start riding reiners with a guy in Indiana. I can only hope! I want to be able to buy a "starter" reiner for me in a year or two.

Or, maybe an all around horse. I don't know, but either way reiners and cow horses are what I really want to ride. And that takes money, especially if you want to show A circuit type shows, which I do.

That's what makes me think writing would be a good option. If I wrote a good enough book or books, I would make a decent living and have the flexibility to show a lot. Law also might be flexible enough eventually.

So much to think about....

ON another note, Kiley pulled herself up to her knees! Woo hoo! She tried it again and fell on her head though, so she hasn't been brave enough to do it again. She's getting there, though. I am so proud of her! Watching her grow up is an AMAZING ride!